


Going Fishing

by Sablehaven



Series: Stargate Daemons [2]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alive Carson Beckett, Alternate Universe - Daemons, Carson Beckett has less issues but still has issues, Daemons, Fix-It, M/M, Pre-Slash, Rodney McKay has issues, strong themes of actively trying to become better and happier people, that was apparently not a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-21 20:31:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18147080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sablehaven/pseuds/Sablehaven
Summary: Miral wants to go swimming, so she is not about to let Rodney back out of this fishing trip.A fix it for the episode Sunday.





	Going Fishing

**RODNEY~**

 

“Don’t even think about trying to back out of this Rodney,” Miral glowered at him from his shoulder, dangerously close to his ear, which he knew she wouldn’t hesitate to nip at.

“What? I- I’m not going to try and back out of it,” Rodney tried to get her to climb down onto his arms and away from his ear and Miral gave him a disdainful look, staying right where she was.

“Good, because I want to go swimming. The bath isn’t big enough.” She sounded positively snooty and Rodney sighed as he waved his door open and stepped inside, “Miral we live on an ocean. An entire ocean.”

She scoffed, “exactly, I don’t see you going swimming in that nightmare. There are whales that can kill you through proximity, I’m not taking any chances,” Rodney sighed again as he collapsed face first into bed. “Alright, alright. Not that there isn’t a good chance of some eldritch horror living in the rivers, but fine. We’ll go fishing.”

 

In all honesty, the combined force of Carson, Brighid and Miral’s enthusiasm was infectious. Soon enough, Rodney realized he was actually looking forward to this. A few hours of actual peace, no emergencies or annoying people asking for his help on their first day off in months. Just the four of them, the not too warm sunlight and fishing. Which couldn’t be that bad, right? It was just holding a stick until something was dumb enough to bite, then reeling it in. He’d let Carson and the daemons deal with the messy bits.

If nothing else, it was probably going to be more of a break than he’d get staying on Atlantis. Miral chattered in approval, nosing at his ear and Rodney flinched and scowled at her guileless face. “You had better enjoy this Miral, I won’t be. I literally cannot imagine anything more boring than hours of fishing.” She just cackled and scrambled down his side, claws nicking his leg as she went.

“You may be able to lie to yourself Rodney, but you can’t lie to me!”

And yet, as the time crept closer, Rodney got more and more nervous. Not panicked, he didn’t panic. He definitely didn’t panic at the thought of spending time with someone he cared about without any interruptions or distractions. No. He did not do that.

Oh god what if he ruined everything. He and Carson spent time together, they did, sometimes even a few hours at a time. The thing was, he always had distractions. Something that would let them lapse into silence for a few minutes or even an hour, whenever his thoughts got too jumbled and he was in danger of saying something horrible that he didn’t actually mean. Or at least, didn’t mean how it came out.

“Are you sure I have to do this Miral?” he muttered to her as they entered the mess hall together.

“Positive. You aren’t getting out of it Rodney. Just imagine Carson’s sad puppy dog eyes if you told him you were backing out, you’d break his heart and he’d shatter your’s into a million tiny pieces without even trying.”

Rodney glared down at her.

“Now who is breaking Rodney’s heart, should I be worried?” Carson’s voice was light and utterly cheerful, happier than Rodney had heard him in weeks. Maybe months.

So that decided it. Rodney couldn’t back out, Miral was right. He’d get that sad, hurt look in his eyes and Rodney would be on his knees apologizing and begging for forgiveness before whatever excuse he came up with was finished.

“No one, Miral is just being dramatic. So, are you ready to go? I was just grabbing food for the trip,” that's it Rodney, bravado. Fake it till you make it and all that nonsense.

“Aye, we can head out right now if you’d like,” Carson grinned at him, all bright white teeth and pretty blue eyes, Brighid handing onto his shoulder with her tail wrapped loosely around his neck, and Rodney quietly, internally, started screaming. This was his life now wasn’t it? He was doomed to be yanked around by the most well meaning, adorable person in two galaxies. All because he couldn’t resist the doctor with the weird daemon who for reasons he didn’t understand, had been utterly determined to befriend him.

Anyways, he could do this. He’d just bring his tablet and if he thought he was going to put his foot in his mouth he’d just pretend there was some overdue paperwork he needed to work on, and pretend to do that until his mind was quiet enough that his brain-to-mouth filter came back online.

“Yeah, sounds good, Miral hasn’t shut up about it since you reminded us yesterday,” Miral chirped in confirmation and stood on her hind legs, blatantly trying to lure Brighid down to play with her.

In the first few weeks of their friendship Brighid had completely ignored Miral’s efforts, making polite conversation but refusing to leave her perch. Rodney wondered what it was about human nature that a person’s daemon often had a bearing completely unlike them. The duality of mankind he guessed, though sometimes, he suspected that they just expressed what their human repressed.

Which is why Miral was on her back, shamelessly chirping at Brighid to join her. Why, why couldn’t he have a daemon that conducted themselves with dignity, and was a little less obvious about how desperate they were for Carson's attention?

But Brighid started the climb down to the floor, anchored by her tail that she wrapped around Carson’s arm. He absently lowered it with her until she was securely on the ground, closing the small tote he’d packed with his free hand, and Rodney watched them, quietly bemused. He did that a lot. Brighid and Carson were in sync in a way few people achieved, always in tune with what the other needed, no matter how distracted they were.

There was definitely a reason why Heightmeyer had expressed concern over Miral frequently nipping at his fingers. Daemons with happy, healthy people didn’t bite them. Then again, they also didn’t cling to them like Brighid did with Carson. Maybe they were all a bit messed up. Maybe it was why they were here.

 

**CARSON~**

 

Carson wasn’t an idiot, far from it if his work history was anything to go by, and he knew Rodney, he knew he wanted to back out of their trip. He could see it in Rodney’s eyes the second he remembered that their fishing trip was tomorrow, the frantic turning of gears while he tried to think of some way out of it.

Brighid tucked herself closer to his neck while Rodney and his two scientists filed out of the clinic. She chuckled in his ear, so quiet that even if they were still here, they wouldn’t hear her, “ _he’ll come through, don’t worry,_ ” she said softly, not bothering with English, she rarely did. It was a comfort to hear Gaelic, and they both liked the privacy of no one understanding her.

“I’m sure he will, Miral’s good at keeping him straight. Lets go back to bed dearest, it is far too late.”

 

  
“ _Do you think we ought to check on him?_ ” One of the newer expedition members did a double take as Carson walked past, Brighid draped across his shoulders, and he wondered if the look was because Brighid's soft, hoarse whispering, or if like most people, she’d just ever seen a daemon like Brighid before. Either way, he wasn’t going to bother with it today of all days, and she continued past without question.

“No, I don’ want to trap him into this, and if I ask he definitely will be.” Brighid hummed her agreement and tightened her tail around his neck to pull herself closer. It might have been nerve wracking if he trusted her any less, the scales of her tail were far from dull and her strength was remarkable. But she was always careful and he felt only the slightest brush of the harder top scales against his throat.

“ _I wonder if Miral could catch fish. I doubt she’s ever had a chance to try, I should ask her,_ ” this time the startled look was definitely about Brighid’s whispering, and the scientist averted their eyes as they walked past. Sheppard had once commented about how very creepy it was. Rodney had gotten endearingly outraged in Brighid’s defense and Sheppard had thrown up his hands in surrender and never mentioned it again.

“Aye, you should. If she hasn’t, I’m sure she’ll get a kick out of trying,” he smiled and Brighid quietly voiced what he was thinking, “ _Rodney would be horrified, he likes to think they are above such things. Or perhaps he was never allowed to be otherwise. I will mention it to her._ ”

They entered the mess hall together and he immediately spotted Rodney, Miral standing by his leg. As they got closer, Carson could hear the tail end of the conversation, “-his heart and he’d shatter your’s into a million tiny pieces without even trying.”  
  
She sounded pleased with herself, so Carson didn’t let himself worry. Miral was often short tempered with Rodney, so much so that it hurt to watch sometimes, but she’d never be jovial about Rodney actually being hurt.

“Now who is breaking Rodney’s heart, should I be worried?”

 

  
Rodney was going fishing with him. And more than that, he actually seemed happy about it, which was more than Carson had dared hope for. Brighid dropped to the ground and was immediately pounced on by Miral. Sometimes Carson wondered if Rodney knew how rarely Brighid left his shoulder, how secure he had to feel around someone before that happened.

He hoped Rodney did, and there was softness in his eyes whenever Brighid climbed down to meet Miral that made Carson believe he did. Still, maybe he would tell him anyways, just in case.

“Alright, I’ve got a jumper booked, already packed. You’re flying, I am not doing that on my one day off,” Rodney gave him an amused smile and for once didn’t try to argue with him over his fear of using ancient technology. Good, because he was never going to win that argument. Bad things were bound to happen when Carson tried to use technology that could respond to stray thoughts.

“Fine, lets go.” Rodney walked away without waiting for Miral and she scrambled to free herself from Brighid’s tail without injuring herself. Sometimes he worried about moments like that, but he’d seen how they would always stop short of hurting each other. Maybe things weren’t perfect, but they were okay.

Carson picked Brighid up and followed Rodney while she situated herself on his shoulders, draping her tail over his neck and pulling it tight to secure herself. “ _He is acting strange. So was Miral. I suggest we wait until we’ve left Atlantis to talk about it._ ”

Rodney glanced back, brow pinched in what Carson could only assume was confusion and maybe a touch of concern, Brighid didn’t whisper around him anymore, certainly not in Gaelic. Carson caught up with them and offered a reassuring smile, “she was just reminding me that I’m not supposed to be worrying about Atlantis. Dr. Cole is in charge and I just need to trust her.”

He felt a twinge of guilt when Rodney accepted that without question, being good at lying wasn’t something he’d strived for, as far as he knew it was just a side effect of a distracting accent and a talent for reassuring people in bad situations. Once you’ve figured out how to convince someone that they will be just fine when they have a rusty piece of metal sticking out of them, the rest comes easy.

Miral jumped up, startling them both, and she clung to Rodney’s side, determinedly climbing up to his shoulders. “I don’t like walking,” she said petulantly while draping herself like an over sized scarf. Brighid chuckled, tucking her head against his neck. He’d never been happier his daemon was on the small side, carrying eighteen pounds on your shoulders could not be fun, though it did go a long way to explain the lovely broadness of Rodney’s shoulders.

The officer currently in charge of the hanger bay let them through without question, his kestrel daemon chirping to Miral and Brighid. “Try to have fun, you both need it,” he called after them and Carson waved with a smile. Major Kyle Rogers was a good guy, friendly and very mellow, and had misfortune of being allergic to both chocolate and peanuts.

Brighid started climbing down to his arm as soon as the jumper door closed behind them and she climbed to the floor as they settled in the cockpit, Miral already waiting for her.

Rodney started the jumper and got it in the air, heading for the mainland before either of them spoke again, unsure how to fill the silence when neither of them wanted to talk about work. Finally though, Rodney cleared his throat, “so, how is your family doing?”

Carson smiled. Thanks to Rodney, he was able to send them a video once a month, and they’d started sending them back. It was good to be in contact with them, even if it came with some guilt and stress. There was so little of his life now that he could tell them about. At least he got to hear from them.

“Good, Glenn is booked throughout the entire year after that video of his playing went viral. Camdyn and Alicia got engaged, no wedding date just yet. Apparently kitten season is starting though, he and Aileen spent most of the video describing every each and every one of them that came to the clinic. And Olivia is settling into her new job in Glasgow, apparently she’s met a girl.”

Carson took a few deep breaths, both trying to remember, and giving Rodney a chance to ask for clarification.

“Olivia’s a forensic scientist, right?”

“Aye, goodness only knows why so many of us went into medical science, it baffles our poor mother.”

Brighid slumped against his leg, Miral laying down with her, done with their greeting scuffle, “how about Moira and Blair?” Miral asked, looking up at him and Carson had a second before he remembered they were alone.

Miral had thrown out the taboo about daemons not talking to other people directly, shortly after Brighid had started climbing down to play with her. “Well, Moira says the bar is doing well, crowded just about every night. She's starting to teach self defense class in her free time though. Blair said the child she’s been working with is doing well, opening up more. She's also gotten two more tattoos, I think she found her aesthetic when she discovered watercolor tattoos.”

Rodney was looking at him out of the corner of his eye, clearly amused. “Have I mentioned lately that I have doubts about your family being human? It wouldn’t even be that far of a stretch, what with the Ancients. But you all look like fae, and not one of the seven of you has failed at life. Which I’m pretty sure is a statistical impossibility,”

Carson laughed, unable to help himself. “No, I don’t believe you’ve mentioned that before, but it isn‘t the first time I’ve heard it. There have been jokes with varying degrees of severity as long as I can remember.”

Miral rolled onto her back, Brighid immediately flopping down half on top of her, “naturally, I’ve seen the pictures, your mother looks thirty, never wears shoes and seems to have flowers in her hair at all times. Not to mention that supernatural ability she has for gardening.”

Carson smiled and couldn’t find any fault with the response. Marion Beckett hated shoes, liked how flowers braided in her hair made her feel and had the best garden and orchard in town.

“Actually,” Rodney said, his tone abrupt and excited, “what are the odds that the Ancients _didn’t_ inspire the myths about the fae? At least some of them? And you do have a really strong expression of it.”

Carson couldn’t help but laugh, grinning at the absurdity of the conversation, and happier than he’d been in months. “Are you suggesting I’m actually sith Rodney?”

Rodney gave him a sour look. “No. I’m just saying that maybe the Ancients inspired the myths. I’m chalking all your family eccentricities and weird success rate to your mother being really weird.”

At the look Carson gave him, Rodney quickly corrected himself, “awesome. Really awesome, but also weird. Not a bad kind of weird, just you know, she spends probably fifteen minutes putting flowers in her hair and she never wears shoes kind of weird.”

“Relax Rodney, it is okay. She is a bit weird, we all are. So how about Jeannie and Madison? How have they been?” Carson asked after a second's hesitation. Family was a sore spot for Rodney, but he knew he’d been trying lately.

“Oh, umm. Jeannie, Jeannie is good. So is Madison. She could have skipped two grades this year, Jeannie wouldn’t let her. I don’t actually blame her, being younger than the other kids in school sucks. Jeannie is starting to do consultation work though, stuff she can do from home, I think she’s happier.”

Carson could hear the hope in his voice, how badly he wanted his sister to be happy. “That’s good, I’m glad she found a way to balance her work and family. So Madison is following in her mother and uncle’s footsteps?”

Rodney tilted his head with a thoughtful expression, “actually, no. She’s not really interested in astrophysics. She’s been talking about engineering, I think she has her heart set on astronautical engineering specifically. I wonder if she’ll end up working with the sgc one day..”

Rodney trailed off, lost in thought and Carson just watched him, smiling. “You sound very proud of her,” he commented after another brief silence, and Rodney glanced his way.

“I am. I should probably tell her, shouldn’t I? Things like that are probably important.” Carson felt a twinge of pain at Rodney’s tone. He already knew that no one had ever told Rodney they were proud of him when he was a kid, and he could see the effects of that every day, Rodney just didn’t often mention it, however vaguely.

“Aye, it is. Don’t worry Rodney, you’re doing great as her uncle, and she has great parents. Madison will be amazing.”

And she would, he had no doubt. How could she not, with the family she had now?

Rodney looked away, studiously staring out the window. “We’re nearly there, I think I see a good place to land. It will be a bit of a walk to the river, but better than crashing into a tree.” Carson nodded, eyeing the controls with trepidation, very glad he’d made Rodney fly the thing.

Flying was mostly fine, but he lived in terror of landing.

Miral scrambled up onto the back of Rodney’s chair, making those little involuntary squeaking noises she did when she was excited. It was utterly adorable, and Brighid clearly agreed from the look she gave him while she reached up for the arm he offered her. He lifted her onto his lap while Rodney landed the jumper in a clearing. He was a better pilot than he gave himself credit for and it went smoothly.

Carson hopped out of his seat, Brighid in his arms, as soon as the engine shut off. “Let’s go Rodney, it is probably a ten minute walk, best start now,” he grinned at Rodney, who was giving him a bemused look, and headed straight for the door of the jumper, grabbing his gear and the fishing poles as he went, Miral bouncing behind him without waiting for Rodney.

He still heard Rodney’s sigh, but as it was followed by his footsteps, Carson ignored it. Rodney sometimes felt obligated to complain about things, just to maintain his persona as a grumpy, cynical asshole. Carson was getting better at telling the obligatory complaints apart from the real ones, and this was definitely the former.

“Remind me again why you like fishing?” Rodney grumbled when he caught up to Carson, the folded chairs held over one his shoulder, and that was a real complaint, though it wasn’t much of one. He considered the question anyways, before replying.

“My mother used to go fishing in a river, about twenty minutes from our place, and we were always welcome to join her whenever we wanted. It was a chance to talk, or just to sit and enjoy what little sunlight we got in Scotland. It was peaceful, and after the constant stress I’ve been through since going to Atlantis, I’d really like a bit of that peace back.”

“So… you wanted peace, and you invited me?”

Carson gave him a look he hoped contained every bit of how he felt about that question in it. “Yes.”

He decided against elaborating, because what was there to say? Rodney was his favorite person in all of Atlantis, of course he wanted his company.

“Why?” He sounded so bewildered that Carson winced, Brighid pressing closer to him. Miral stopped running ahead and turned around to jump into Rodney’s arms when he caught up with her. He only barely kept her from flying straight past him, but he was clearly used to Miral’s ill thought out actions.

“I know you’re new to having friends Rodney, I do, but one of the most important things to know is that people like to spend time with their friends. And like it or not, you are my friend. The best one I’ve ever had in fact.”

“Yeah, that is one of the things I’m really having trouble understanding. How in the hell am _I_ the best friend you’ve ever had? You’re _you_  and I’m well, me.” Carson glanced at him, his free hand unconsciously going up to Brighid, who leaned her head into it obligingly.

“Exactly. I get put onto a pedestal Rodney, people expect everything from me, and sometimes I feel more like a therapist than a doctor. You’ve never expected that from me, and you’ve always treated me like just another human. No lofty expectations and after things go to hell and I need to take care of everyone, you’re the one who checks on me. No one else remembers.”

For a long few minutes they just walked, only their footsteps and birdsong disturbing the silence.

“You’re the only one who remembers to check on me. That's why I remember. After I’ve gone three days without sleep trying to keep everyone alive, you are the only one who remembers to make sure I’m okay.”

Silence reigned again as he tried to find an adequate response for that, for the fact that somehow, they only had each other. After a moment, he fell into pace with Rodney. It took Miral nudging him before Rodney realized what he meant, and he lifted his arm, letting Carson step under it and against him.

The proximity of Rodney’s arm to Brighid as it settled across his shoulder made his breath catch. Miral was close to his head, draped across Rodney’s shoulder, and all it would take is a little stumble to send them all colliding together. Brighid rested her weight against Rodney’s covered arm, placing her tail barely quarter of an inch away from his hand, and Carson smiled.

They walked the rest of the way in comfortable silence and the kind of physical contact Carson never got since moving away from home, and Rodney had probably never gotten.

 

  
“Finally,” Rodney grumbled as the river came into view, and Carson smiled. Definitely not a real complaint. Brighid held perfectly still while Rodney carefully lifted his arm off Carson’s shoulders, and for a brief moment he wondered if they’d ever make that step, instead of simply walking along the edge. People didn’t ordinarily come so close to other people’s daemons, but he pushed the thought of taking it even further out of his head.

Even if Rodney was perfectly willing, he certainly wasn’t ready yet. The last time someone other than he had touched Brighid, it had been someone tripping and brushing against her, and it had taken hours for his skin to stop crawling. Days before Brighid stopped flinching every time anyone came too close. Anyone except Rodney. Maybe that should have been his first clue that his attachment to the man wasn’t going to be temporary or ordinary.

Shaking off the thoughts, Carson set his bag down beside the folded chairs, which Rodney had rather impressively carried without complaint. Miral had already dragged Rodney to the river bank and was bouncing in and out of the shallow water, apparently unwilling to dive in just yet. Brighid started her climb down and he offered her an arm while watching Rodney glare down at his undignified daemon.

They would have to move further upstream after the two finished playing, somewhere the fish hadn’t been disturbed. He followed Brighid to the river bank, grinning when he caught sight of the smile Rodney was trying to suppress, Miral darted a little deeper into the water, then scampered back to shore, shaking out her paws when she reached dry land.

“It’s cold,” she whined to Brighid, despite already bouncing in her eagerness to get back in. “Well it isn’t a bath, so I don’t know what you expected,” Rodney sounded tired, like maybe he’d made this point to her several times already, which wouldn’t surprise Carson.

“You think you could catch a fish?” Brighid asked, and she would be grinning if she could, Carson knew. Rodney’s nose wrinkled in disgust, and Miral’s eyes widened, the speed of her constant movement increasing.

“I don’t know, I’ve never tried!” She turned and slipped into the water with an instinctive ease, and went immediately under water. Rodney grumbled as he stepped closer to the water, until it lapped at his boots. Brighid chuckled to herself, leaning into Carson’s leg, and they waited together for Miral to resurface.

A minute passed. Then two. And then Miral appeared, her crows of triumph muffled by the fish in her mouth while she swam and then hopped to the shore, trembling with excited glee. Carson started laughing while Rodney stumbled back, visibly disgusted by the still flopping fish Miral dropped at their feet.

“I did it, I did it!” She continued her earlier proclamations unmuffled, and Carson smiled, trying to stifle his laughter long enough to respond. Then Miral paused and tilted her head, “what do I do with it now?”

He lost the battle to stop laughing and Brighid started giggling, rolling onto her back. Miral huffed and nudged the fish with her nose, setting off another bout of flailing from the poor thing. Carson caught on his breath, grinning at Rodney who was carefully not watching. “Lets start with killing it, okay? No need to let it suffer. Then being an otter, you are supposed to eat it.”

Miral’s nose wrinkled in disgust and horror and she stepped away from the fish. “Uh, no. I’m not doing that, a little bit of blood is one thing, I am not eating raw fish. I’m going to go rinse my mouth out.” She scampered back to the water and Carson chuckled.

He ignored Rodney’s gagging sound when he glanced back while Carson was dealing with the fish, and his over dramatic shudder when he saw it on the stringer. He’d already agreed to protect Rodney from the gruesome parts of fishing, but that required a certain amount of averted eyes from Rodney. So he headed upstream and found a place to secure the stringer, letting Rodney follow behind with the chairs and gear.

Rodney started setting up the chairs, and Carson finished getting the fishing poles ready. Some flashy lures were the only bait the expedition had been sent with, which he understood, really. It wasn’t like they could send worms, and he wasn’t about to try digging for them. These would be less upsetting for Rodney at least.

Rodney tentatively joined him, eying the hooked lure on the end of the line like it was going to leap out and attack him. Having accidentally pierced his ear with a hook once, Carson didn’t blame him for the trepidation. “It won’t bite, unless you are careless. Come here and I’ll show you how to cast.”

After a demonstration and several attempts from Rodney, Carson was remembering how much of a trick there was to casting, and how much of it was reflex to him now. In the end, with an eye on the position of the sun, Carson ended up casting Rodney’s line for him and no sooner than he’d handed the fishing rod over, Rodney stiffened and his hand went to his earpiece.

He felt an immediate wave of dread and watched Rodney while his expression went from confusion to horror, anxiety and finally it set in what Carson recognized from emergencies. “We’re on our way.”

Carson hastily set the fishing pole down and pulled Brighid into his arms, following Rodney as he set off in the direction of the jumper.

“There was an explosion at Atlantis, they still don’t know what caused it. Three fatalities, one injury and several eye witnesses claiming they saw Dr. Hewston explode.”

Carson frowned and started jogging to keep up with Rodney’s pace, Brighid clutched to his chest and Miral running just beside him. He may have an inch of height on Rodney, but Rodney definitely had the longer legs. “Dr. Hewston? He was one of the scientists I saw last night. Do you think it is related?” Rodney scowled back at him, which he refused to take personally.

“Obviously, I don’t suppose you remember what the other one was called do you? You remember useless stuff like that,”

just stressed, he was just stressed. “Obviously not useless. And his name was Dr. Watson.”

Rodney immediately tapped his headset, “Dr. Weir?”

“ _So much for fishing. Dr. Cole is good at her job, if it is something we could fix, I’m sure she will find it too._ ” He squeezed her gently to his chest as he jogged, more grateful than words could express for his daemon, who always kept her head and always knew how to keep him calm.

“Dr. Hewston and another scientist, Dr. Watson were both exposed to an unknown radiation last night, I need you to find him. If they were exposed at the same time and only one of them has gone off then there is no way to predict this. He needs to be isolated.”

He frowned and bit down the instinct that Watson should be going under a scanner. If he were there, he’d do it. But he wouldn’t, couldn’t, ask anyone else to take that risk. And with every second the risk increased. With a slow sinking in his gut, Carson realized they weren’t going to get back in time to do anything. It was an hour from the mainland to Atlantis, and even the ten minute walk or three minute run to the jumper might be too long for Dr. Watson.

He saw the exact moment Rodney reached the same conclusion, his pace almost stumbling, and he turned to Carson with an almost helpless look. There was nothing he could do here. No database to comb through, no technology to examine. Nothing. There was nothing they could do.

Rodney turned away and kept walking, but it had lost the purpose, the urgency that had forced Carson to jog to keep up with him. So he slowed to a walk beside him and watched him move in time with Miral as she jumped into his arms, scrambling her way onto his shoulders. He could see the interplay of guilt on Rodney’s face, his mind racing to find every single way that this was his fault.

Rodney was perfectly willing to displace the blame when it was something minor, but the second someone was hurt, he would hold himself accountable for every single mistake that had led to it.

“Rodney..” he couldn’t think of how to continue, how to say it in a way that Rodney would actually listen. Three people were dead, one person was injured, and the weight of guilt in Carson’s chest made it all the harder to tell Rodney that it wasn’t his fault. He had missed that something was wrong, just like Rodney hadn’t personally vetted the lab they’d been in exposed to the radiation in.

It was a lot easier to waive someone else of guilt, than it was yourself.

“I know.” Rodney’s voice was unusually rough, and thick with emotion. An admission of the logic, but like Carson, he wouldn’t be able to shake the guilt. Possibly, he never would.

Carson was haunted by lost patients years after the fact. Some of them, he even remembered the exact day, every year. Little Amelia, who had just been ready to go home after the car crash that had nearly killed her, when suddenly something went wrong and she was dead within minutes. He’d never forgotten her, and he never would.

Brighid shivered and pressed closer. She didn’t know exactly what he was thinking, but the loss of a patient always led them down the same path.

They were ten feet from the jumper when Rodney stopped, and the look he gave Carson as he reached for the earpiece was desperate. “McKay,” he confirmed quietly, and then he shut his eyes, the sudden exhaustion all the confirmation Carson needed.

Dr. Watson was dead.

“Any other casualties?” Carson asked softly, needing to know. Desperately not wanting to know. Rodney shook his head slowly, fists clenched at his sides.

“No, it happened seconds after they got everyone away.” There was no relief to be had in the words, just a lack of further grief. There was nothing to say, no platitude that would make it better, he knew that.

Miral was curling tighter around Rodney’s shoulders, desperate to comfort him, and just as helpless as Carson was to make this better. He waited until his fists uncurled and his shoulders slumped, then Carson reached over and took his hand, pulling him towards the jumper. But not into the cockpit, returning to Atlantis could wait a few more minutes, and he pulled him down to the seats, pressed against his side again.

There was nothing to say, so he didn’t say anything. He just sat with Rodney and let them both have the time they needed to process the grief and the guilt.

If he hadn’t insisted on this trip, maybe Dr. Watson would still be alive. They’d never know, would they?

 

**RODNEY~**

 

Days later, after the funerals, there was a knock on his door. Rodney lifted his head slowly, reluctantly, away from the pillow, he wasn’t about to fall asleep, he doubted that would come for hours, but it was nice to rest. Miral chirped and hopped down from the bed, and with a sigh, Rodney followed her. When Miral wanted to go somewhere she didn’t hesitate to use the bond to make him follow.

So he prompted the door to open and braced himself for whatever emergency was waiting on the other side.

It was Carson, clutching Brighid to his chest and so obviously nervous that he noticed without Miral pointing it out to him. “Carson? Is everything okay?” He winced internally at the clumsy question. They’d sent four people off to be buried less than an hour ago, of course everything wasn’t okay.

Brighid shifted until she was facing him properly, her narrow face unreadable, “can we come in?”

He stepped back and gestured them in, almost unsettled by Carson’s silence. Carson was not a quiet person, and Brighid very much was.

Miral made the decision of where to go from there for them, bounding away and scaling his favorite chair. The door closed behind Carson and he silently took the chair across from Miral, setting Brighid in his lap, where she half curled up. He could count on one hand the times Carson had been nervous enough for Brighid to curl up, almost all of them had involved the Control chair, the rest were all considerably worse to think about.

He sat across from them, Miral immediately draping over his shoulders and he was secretly grateful for the familiar weight. There was another beat of silence, then Carson drew in a slow breath, “I’ve done a lot of thinking the past few days. On a day off, we lost four people, and we could have lost a lot more than that, just because someone touched the wrong thing.”

He took another breath and Rodney carefully kept his brain in check, from speculating and leaping to conclusions. “What I’m trying to say is, I don’t want to waste anymore time just trying not to get hurt. I care about you Rodney, so much so that it scares me sometimes. But, not.. not just as a friend.”

 

Rodney’s mind went blank, a veritable blue screen of death overcoming his thoughts while he tried to process the information.

Carson sat across from him, holding Brighid tight and avoiding his eyes, so nervous it hurt Rodney to look at him. He opened his mouth to try and reply, but found he didn’t know what to say, so he stopped to try and formulate a response.

Asking ‘why’ would probably make Carson search for something to throw at him. “Uh..” He glanced a little frantically at Miral, then back at Carson, where Brighid was curling herself into a tighter ball, and oh god, he needed to say something, anything.

“I-” why couldn’t he just _talk_? It wasn’t that hard, he did it all the time! Too much according to must people, so why did he always choke when it mattered?

Carson was standing up, hugging Brighid against his chest, and she was curled up so tight he couldn’t see her face anymore, she’d never done that before and it _hurt_  to see. “I- I’ll just go.”

Teeth sunk abruptly into his arm, probably drawing blood, but it was unnecessary, he was already on his feet. “Don’t!”

Carson stopped, slowly looking back to him with a horrible mix of fear and hope on his face. Carson didn’t have a poker face, Rodney had always liked that about it, he wore his heart on his sleeve so blatantly that even Rodney knew what he was feeling.

“I-” Rodney took a slow, deep breath and watched Carson’s face soften, and he returned slowly to his seat, Brighid uncurling just a little. Rodney absently rubbed over where Miral had bit him, wincing as he felt the blood through the new holes in his sleeve. “Maybe we can get lunch tomorrow? My room, just the two of us?”

It was out, and for once, Rodney didn’t immediately want to take it back. Carson smiled, that bright and slightly toothy smile that lit up the room, and Rodney couldn’t help but smile back, his heart lifting to see him that happy again. And this time, Rodney would make sure nothing would ruin it. Somehow.

Miral jumped down from his shoulder to the chair, then onto the floor where she stood on her hind legs and waited while Brighid finished uncurling. Carson stroked down her back and this time his breath was relieved rather than bracing.

“That sounds nice. For now, maybe we should get you to the infirmary? I think that is going to need stitches.”

Miral’s delighted chirp turned guilty halfway, and Carson chuckled while he stood. “You really shouldn’t bite him Miral, certainly not that hard. I think just this once though, I can let it slide,” Rodney turned to let Miral climb up his uninjured side, and gave Carson his best reassuring smile.

“We’ll work on it. I promise.”

And together, they walked out of the room and down the hall to the infirmary. The future was uncertain, but there was one thing Rodney had little doubt of. As long as they both lived, they would at least have each other

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of fun writing this, but it was definitely a bit emotionally taxing at moments. I hope everyone enjoys it, goodness knows I've enjoyed every single Carson Lives fic out there.
> 
> Carson's Siblings:
> 
> Camdyn - Veterinarian  
> Aileen - Veterinarian  
> Glenn - Violinist   
> Moira - Bar owner  
> Olivia - Forensic scientist  
> Blair - Art therapist


End file.
